How I Think About Development
My perspective has emerged at the intersection of developmental psychology, clinical practice, education, and lived experience. Over time, this work has led me to a simple but often overlooked conclusion: development is not linear, and for neurodivergent adolescents and young adults, progress depends less on readiness alone and far more on fit.
Too often, struggle is interpreted as a lack of motivation, maturity, or effort. In reality, many young people are working extraordinarily hard in environments that no longer support how they learn, focus, regulate, or connect with others. When fit erodes, momentum follows. What looks like avoidance or regression is often a signal that the path forward no longer makes sense to the nervous system or the developing self.
Development as a Sequence, Not a Milestone
Independence is frequently treated as an endpoint. Something to be reached by a certain age or stage. I view it differently. Independence is a developmental sequence, built through experience, reflection, and gradual increases in responsibility within environments that are supportive and responsive.
When this sequence is rushed, skipped, or mismatched to a young person’s developmental profile, progress can stall. What may appear as resistance or failure is often a sign that the next step is unclear, unsustainable, or poorly aligned. Development cannot be forced forward without cost.
The In-Between Years Matter
Adolescence and early adulthood are defined by transition. Structure changes, expectations shift, and external supports often fade just as demands increase. For neurodivergent young people, particularly those who have learned to mask or compensate, this period can be especially vulnerable.
Many do not fail outright. Instead, they disengage quietly. Momentum slows. Confidence erodes. The future begins to feel uncertain rather than expansive.
These “in-between” years are not a gap or a pause in development. They are a critical developmental phase. One that requires understanding, patience, and intentional support. When overlooked, this is often where young people lose traction. When supported well, it can become a period of meaningful growth and reorientation.
Fit Creates Momentum
Progress is most sustainable when there is alignment between a young person and their environment. Fit is not about lowering expectations; it is about calibrating expectations to match strengths, needs, and developmental timing.
When fit improves:
- Engagement increases
- Effort becomes more effective
- Identity development resumes
- Confidence begins to rebuild
Momentum is not created by pressure. It is created by alignment.
Looking Beyond Deficits
Neurodivergent individuals are often defined by what they struggle with. I believe this narrow lens limits both understanding and possibility. Differences in learning, attention, and social engagement do not negate potential. They shape how potential is expressed.
When strengths are identified and supported, and challenges are understood in context, young people are better able to imagine a future that feels achievable and meaningful. Development accelerates not because deficits have been eliminated, but because the environment no longer works against the individual.
A Developmental, Not Prescriptive, Approach
There is no single path to independence. Development unfolds differently for each individual, and progress is rarely linear. My work focuses on helping families and educators step back from rigid timelines and instead ask more useful questions:
- Where is this young person developmentally right now?
- What has helped them maintain momentum in the past?
- What has changed in their environment or expectations?
- What kind of support will help them take the next sustainable step?
These questions shift the focus from urgency to understanding, and from fear to possibility.
Bringing Perspective Into Practice
This perspective informs my clinical work, my writing, and my role in education. It underlies The Breakaway and my current work on The Inbetweeners, both of which are dedicated to naming and supporting the developmental space where so many neurodivergent young people find themselves—often without clear guidance or a shared language.
I believe that when we slow down, pay attention, and honor developmental complexity, we create the conditions for growth to resume.